Suckage.

Wouldn't it suck, that even while you are still just a little kidney bean in your mother's belly, if your future was already decided for you?  Your limitations, all though are not set in stone, would still be a hard boulder to move out of your way...and there are a long line of them in your path.  Your dreams of living a "Once Upon a Time" storybook life, don't have the slightest chance of being a possibility that our adolescent minds cling to at times.  That would suck.  Or would it?  Your oblivion acts as both a shield and curse.  You never had it, so how do you know what you are missing?  However, if you weren't oblivious, maybe you would be able to work harder at the life you want b/c you know it's out there.

Now what if you were the mother that was carrying that kidney bean in your belly, and you know what's out there, and you know that your baby will never have it. YOU feel the pain of the limitations, YOU feel the pain of  "Once Upon Never".  And that DOES suck... and I just got hit hard by a wave of suckage.

I had my 7 year old daughter G bring up a diaper for V.  G started putting the diaper on V in a goofy way, on purpose.
I laughed at G and said, "You are going to have to learn to put on diapers otherwise I get to keep all of YOUR babies!"
G laughed, and then asked, "Is V going to have babies?"
"No, she can't."
"Why can't she, b/c of that thing that's wrong with her head?" G still doesn't quite understand the whole chromosome deletion thingy
"Yes, that is why she can't have babies"
"Does that mean that she will have to put them up for adoption?"
Confused, I answered "You DO know that all women don't have babies right?"
She thought for a moment and asked, "Will I have babies?"
To which I replied, "You will HAVE babies, but I will get to keep them b/c you can put diapers on right!"
She laughed and walked away.

I just sat there. I felt like I had been hit with a demolition ball right in the chest, and on it's retracting swing, it tore out my heart.

I have known that V wasn't going to be able to have babies... I KNOW this.  It just sucks that this decision was made for her, and not by her.

I am assuming there will be more days like this ahead.

And that sucks.