Saturday, November 26, 2011


One of the issue's CDC children have are bad sleeping habits.  V is no exception. I put her to bed anywhere between 7:30 and 8:30 and she will wake up at 3 in the morning.  So I would crawl into bed with her and try to squeeze out the most amount of sleep I can, all the while she is kicking me, hitting me, and crying on and off.  Then at 5:30, when I can't take it any longer, we get up and I start brewing my first of many cups of coffee.

However, this morning she slept until 7:00!  CRAZY!  And notice I said "she", not "we".  At around 5:00 my internal alarm clock went off... preparing me for the crying and door kicking down the hall.  It didn't come.  I kept my eyes closed and managed to keep sleeping.  Half an hour later I woke up again, still not hearing V.  And then the thoughts came... you know the "thoughts".  Like when a noise wakes you up in the middle of the night, and you rationalize to yourself that it is probably just your cat knocking something over, and definitely NOT a burglar.  So you go back to sleep, happy that the Cat to Burglar ratio weighs heavily in the direction of the cat.  You do not need to get up to investigate b/c sleeping is way more important than double checking to see if a criminal is downstairs rummaging thru your silver and fine china (does anyone have silver and fine china anymore?).

Here is my rendition of the conversation I had with myself this morning, preventing me from sleeping:
Is she still sleeping?
She can't be, is she sick?
OMG, what if something fell on her?
What if someone snuck in and took her (along with the silver and fine china)?
No, she is probably still sleeping.
I should go back to sleep.
But what if something happened to her?
I should check on her.
But then she will wake up.
I should go back to sleep.

Needless to say, I did NOT get up.  I know, mother of the year!  In my sleepy state I concluded that she was just sleeping in for once in her life.  I know that since I blogged about it, I totally jinxed myself and she will probably wake up at her usual 3 o'clock in the morning, but I remain hopeful.

Looking forward to Round 2!

Friday, November 18, 2011


Wouldn't it suck, that even while you are still just a little kidney bean in your mother's belly, if your future was already decided for you?  Your limitations, all though are not set in stone, would still be a hard boulder to move out of your way...and there are a long line of them in your path.  Your dreams of living a "Once Upon a Time" storybook life, don't have the slightest chance of being a possibility that our adolescent minds cling to at times.  That would suck.  Or would it?  Your oblivion acts as both a shield and curse.  You never had it, so how do you know what you are missing?  However, if you weren't oblivious, maybe you would be able to work harder at the life you want b/c you know it's out there.

Now what if you were the mother that was carrying that kidney bean in your belly, and you know what's out there, and you know that your baby will never have it. YOU feel the pain of the limitations, YOU feel the pain of  "Once Upon Never".  And that DOES suck... and I just got hit hard by a wave of suckage.

I had my 7 year old daughter G bring up a diaper for V.  G started putting the diaper on V in a goofy way, on purpose.
I laughed at G and said, "You are going to have to learn to put on diapers otherwise I get to keep all of YOUR babies!"
G laughed, and then asked, "Is V going to have babies?"
"No, she can't."
"Why can't she, b/c of that thing that's wrong with her head?" G still doesn't quite understand the whole chromosome deletion thingy
"Yes, that is why she can't have babies"
"Does that mean that she will have to put them up for adoption?"
Confused, I answered "You DO know that all women don't have babies right?"
She thought for a moment and asked, "Will I have babies?"
To which I replied, "You will HAVE babies, but I will get to keep them b/c you can put diapers on right!"
She laughed and walked away.

I just sat there. I felt like I had been hit with a demolition ball right in the chest, and on it's retracting swing, it tore out my heart.

I have known that V wasn't going to be able to have babies... I KNOW this.  It just sucks that this decision was made for her, and not by her.

I am assuming there will be more days like this ahead.

And that sucks.