Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Mother of the Year.... Yes please!

I nominate myself for Mother of the Year.  All you other mother's can suck it.  And here's why...

My 7 year old twins got off an hour early from school today.

And I didn't know.

And I wasn't home.

And I apparently scarred my daughter for life.

Luckily I can bribe them with presents so they don't tell their father, he already thinks I'm crazy.  To verify my craziness, see ALL my other blog posts.

Luckily my neighbor was home and they went next door.  I can't imagine what would have happened if she wasn't home.  I felt horrible when she called me.  Horrible.

At least I wasn't at the bar trying to get my drink on.  I do that in the morning while my youngest is at school.  Hey, I am not a totally irresponsible mother!  I will wait until she is at least a teenager before I bring her.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Sweatpants are the Devil's Doing

You know you are gaining weight when you go out to buy "fancy sweatpants" aka Yoga Pants.  Wearing yoga pants while out and about town gives off the impression that I work out, that I am attempting to lose weight and get healthy.

Or perhaps I don't have anybody fooled, and they really give off the impression that I don't want to have to stuff all the junk in my trunk into a pair of unforgiving jeans.  Wearing jeans makes me feel fat, as the waistband doesn't grow with you, it want's you to stay in the past, when you were 10 pounds lighter.  A Yoga pant waist band is more like a great friend, you know it's there but it isn't suffocating you.  AND it will still love you if you gain weight...well, until you gain too much weight and the once Sweat Pant looks more like Jeggings.

Jeggings.... something I will never truly understand, kind of like Algebra.

I have started making healthier choices in my eating habits, I am half heartedly trying.  I am just waiting for my tipping point when I absolutely can't handle it anymore.

I am also waiting to win the lottery...(but considering I don't ever buy lottery tickets, I would appreciate it if YOU won the lottery and then just mailed me the winning ticket) I look at it this way, I was "lucky" enough to be 1 out of 50,000 people to have a child with CDC, I have a good chance of being 1 out of 234,824,0214 million people and win a couple million bukaroo's.

Just think of all the fancy sweatpants I could buy with that money!  Every color in the world.

But not real green sweat pants, that's cruel.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Life is like a jump rope...

up, down, up, down, up...

I have been listening to Kids Place a lot on Sirius in the car.  I can NOT remember the last time I was able to listen to one of "my" stations, I don't even know what type of music I like anymore (probably bluegrass and gangster rap).

But please do me a favor and listen to "Life's like a jump rope" by Blue October.  I LOVE it.

And I love you, pizza delivery man.